


gone but not forgotten

by kelios



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Soulless Sam, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 03:50:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2798501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelios/pseuds/kelios
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: Sam doesn't understand why he needs Dean, just that he does.  <br/>Prompt: Sam/Dean first times</p>
            </blockquote>





	gone but not forgotten

"That's it, Sammy, keep her steady..." Dean's voice is warm and happy in his ear. "Just keep her between the lines. I'm gonna give her a little more juice, you think you can handle that?"

"Yeah, I got it." Sam's hands are shaking a little as Dean pushes down on the accelerator. He can't believe Dean's letting him drive. True, he's sitting on Dean's lap so he can see over the steering wheel and Dean can push the pedals for him, but he's driving. He steals a glance at the speedometer. 75mph. It doesn't seem like they're going that fast so he lets go of the wheel with one hand and rolls down the window. 

Instantly the wind whips through the car, smashing into the newspapers and fast food wrappers in the back seat and all but drowning out Highway to Hell as it pours from the speakers. Behind him, Dean whoops and guns the engine, pushing Sam back against him as the car leaps forward. Sam doesn't have to see him to know he's grinning. They tear past an ancient pickup, Dean taking the wheel and smoothly swinging past the plodding truck with a wave and a flare of dust that makes Sam sputter. 

Dean keeps it floored for a few more minutes before easing back down and pulling over near a tattered billboard that tiredly proclaims "Best Pizza in Chicago! Just 50 miles!" so that Sam can slide over into the passenger's seat. AC/DC is still wailing from the speakers and Dean shouts to be heard.

"What do you say, Sam, look good?" He's still grinning recklessly, fingers drumming on the wheel, looking at Sam like driving 50 miles for lunch is an awesome idea and he's daring Sam to say no. Sam grins back, adrenaline still zinging through him.

"Yeah!"

******************************************

Sam's twelve the first time he stitches Dean up. His hands are shaking and there's blood everywhere--on Dean, on the bed, on Sam. Dean is cold and still by the time he's done, and Sam can't tell if he's breathing but he doesn't want to touch Dean when his hands are so bloody. He presses his lips gently against Dean's instead, tears slipping down both their faces when he feels Dean's breath pulse faint and warm.

He cleans up as much of the blood as he can, stripping the ruined sheets from under Dean and wiping away the blood as gently as he can. He throws out the torn and bloody clothes he'd cut away after John dumped Dean on the bed and left. By the time he's done he's exhausted; wants to get Dean into the clean bed and sleep for a week. But when he tries to move Dean he just isn't strong enough, and he can't bring himself to leave Dean alone. So he climbs in next to him instead, one hand pressed over Dean's heart to feel the steady beat as he prays.

******************************************  
A drop of sweat rolls down Sam's neck, but he doesn't ask Dean to open the windows. It's his sixteenth birthday, and he'd nagged Dean into taking him to the drive-in--not hard with a Godzilla double feature showing--but now that they're here, he can't seem to find his courage. Then Dean turns to look at him, happy and beautiful and close and Sam doesn't think. He just leans in and kisses him. 

As kisses go it isn't much--delicate press of lips, almost chaste. But Dean goes completely still, and panic flutters through Sam at the thought that he was wrong, that Dean doesn't want this. He tries to pull back, desperate wave of sorry sorry sorry flooding through him, but Dean doesn't let him. Catches him and holds him still, close enough that Sam is dazzled by the flecks of gold in his eyes.

"Like this," Dean whispers, and there's nothing chaste about the way Dean kisses him.

When Dean finally lets him go, Sam buries his face against Dean's shoulder. He doesn't want his brother to see the flush that's crept up his throat and over his cheeks or that he's already hard and aching in his jeans.

"Shhhh...It's okay." Sam can feel Dean's voice, easy and reassuring as he strokes Sam's hair. "Just look at me, please?"

Suddenly tears are prickling at Sam's eyes, overflowing as he looks up at Dean. Dean smiles at him a little uncertainly, warm, strong hands cupping Sam's face and brushing away the tears. 

"I thought it was just me," Sam whispers. Relief swells in his chest, filling him up with a giddy rush. "I thought...."

"Looks like we're both a little crazy," Dean says, and kisses him again.

**********************************************************

Sam opens his eyes when the phone on the nightstand begins to ring. He hadn't been sleeping, exactly, just remembering. The phone's display lists Bobby's number and Sam opens the drawer and tosses it in unanswered. He doesn't want to talk to Bobby; he already knows what Bobby's going to say, and Sam isn't interested in listening.

When Sam came back, Bobby had taken one look at him and suggested that contacting Dean was a bad idea. Sam had gone along with the plan, leaving Dean to his new life while Sam tried to sort himself out. But now...

Sam can't stop thinking about his brother. About how hard he'd fought to keep him, how hard he'd fought to get him back. He doesn't understand why, exactly, but he knows he thought Dean was important then, and he has the nagging feeling that he gave up too easily this time. 

It's time, he decides. He'll finish up this hunt and then....he's going to get his brother.


End file.
